Lucy sat in the car confused and afraid. Her master had just taken her from her family, and what she knew as her home, to give her to some woman whose laughter hurt her ears. Her master said she was strong, and that she’d serve her new boss well.

The new boss saw Lucy’s distress and tried to calm her down. She tried to give her food but Lucy was too distraught to eat.

She wanted to scream, jump out the car and back to her home, but she knew better than to upset the master. A tear escaped her eye as she drove off from her family who could do nothing but watch as she went to start a new life.

Lucy had always wondered what it was like boarding a vehicle. They moved fast and were strong. They looked like they ate up the bosses and threw up upon arrival. She had never moved so fast in her life without moving a muscle. In a way, it made her feel powerful, but at the same time it scared her.

Her new boss lady looked at her and smiled. It’s like she could read her mind. “There there, you’re going to be alright,”she said soothingly.

Lucy kept her guard up. She remembered the story her mother liked telling her. The master was evil, if the master was being nice, it meant they had a trick up their sleeve. Like that night the master locked them all in the pen, but Uncle Joe refused to go in, he was scared. The master let him stay outside. Come the following morning, Uncle Joe’s body, or what remained of it, was found in the veranda. He had been mauled to death by some creature.

The new boss was listening to music very loudly, laughing. This was strange. The music felt like there were drums, then people screaming in pain, and a whip could be heard in the background. Master always played mellow music they could sing to. She now wondered what really lay in her new boss’ mind, would she be tortured for the rest of her life or would she live happy, or would she be resold or killed for entertainment?

The worrying tired Lucy and soon enough, she fell asleep. But a while on, the car engine died out and Lucy was startled awake. Looking around, it was night time and they were in a forest. It was very dark. Turning to her side, she saw the boss lady by the window, observing her with interest. She had an evil smile on her face which scared Lucy. Was this the day she was going to die? Would she die like an animal, beat and disposed off in the forest?

Suddenly the boss lady spoke to her husband, “I don’t know Phil, she looks really thin to me…”

“Then keep her and fatten her up”, he said calmly beneath the car. They had a puncture and he was repairing it.

“Ma’am,”Lucy said shaken, barely recognizing her voice. “Ma’am…you have to let me go Please. Please…I don’t want to die…I want to live…ma’am, I want to go back to my home, to my family, ma’am-”

Lucy felt a warm burning sensation on her face that pushed her further the car. She felt the slap first before realizing she had been hit.

My! This woman had to mercy. She had to scream for help as loud as she could, she had to escape.

“Help, help! Heeelp!!!” she shouted at the top of her lungs. “They’re trying to kill me!! Help me!!”

She could hear the boss man laughing beneath her screams. Her walked towards her with a spanner in hand. He looked at her in fascination, tapping the spanner on his hands. “Maybe we should gag her,” he suggested to his wife.

“No..” she said calmly. “Let her stay there. we shall deal with her once we get home.”

The calmness in the woman’s voice scared her. She knew the end would be slow and painful, and yet there was nothing she could do as the bosses boarded the car to proceed with the journey.

They got home around ten at night. There were neighbors outside saying hello. Lucy screamed for help but they all laughed as they watched her dragged to her fate. They ignored her as if they could not see her, let alone hear her.

“I have feelings! I am alive and real! Why won’t you help me? Why would you let these people do this to me?” she shouted as she got dragged home.

As the door locked behind her, she knew her fate was sealed, that no one would help her. The boss lady gave her a warm room to sleep in, food and water. Then she locked the door behind.

As Lucy wen to bed, she prayed for hope, that tomorrow would be a better day.

Come morning, she could hear conversation and commotion in the house. Mr. boss man had left for work. After a while, another man came home, and they negotiated on price of some service.

Before Lucy realized what was happening, the man opened her door. She tried to escape but he was quicker. He grabbed her by both arms and dragged her out.

All this time, Lucy was screaming for help, the boss lady looked at her with confusion on her face.

“What’s wrong with that chicken?”she asked the man furiously, “Kill it quickly, I’m having guests over for lunch.”

“Yes ma’am,”he said shaking Lucy harder.

“Help me! Help, heeelp!” yelled out Lucy. But still, the world went on as if they could not hear her.

Fears and Deadbeats

From a distance, the clanging of the keyboard from the reception could be heard. Michelle was using the computer, and in her head, she still pressed hard on the buttons like it was a typewriter. She was drafting another letter for the boss. She called it a draft because she knew he’d make a few corrections. Only until the fourth draft would his wordings make sense, only then would he approve the letter for postage.

Michelle had worked for her boss, Mr. Karanja, for twelve years now. She had joined the firm when she was twenty years old, and had finished her secretarial course. She was young and unsure of herself, but so was Mr. Karanja. He was thirty at the time, and taking up ownership of his father’s law firm. He got coached by the big man, while Mrs. Wanjau trained her as her replacement. She was a nice lady, happy to leave than work for the boss’ boy, who she said was like a son to him.

With a new boss, she had the power to change a few things, and he happily let her. He said he wanted a new feel, like he was the boss and not reporting to his father any more. Soon, younger clients started showing up and business peaked. That was when she met George. He was tall, very confident and well achieved for his age. He liked her, took her out for coffee and the rest was history. Mr. Karanja gave his blessings and she quit her job to become a wife.

Two years down the line, Michelle felt a void, like she lacked a purpose in life and asked to go back to work. Her husband did not understand why, but he let her. He was advised that a happy wife meant a happy life. Mr. Karanja was more than happy to have her back.

By then, things had changed. It was a new century, with new technology. She struggled with the laptop but got the hang of it. Sandra, her fellow secretary helped her from time to time and soon, she got the hang of it. She was happy for the challenge.

Her letter was done and headed for the printer. She checked her Facebook for any updates, nothing. She walked across the room to pick the print out when she heard giggling from the kitchen. She paused for a second to see if she’d get wind of what was happening. Sandra was the topic of discussion between the messenger and tea girl. They mentioned how devastated she was, that she was expecting the boss’ child. She knew all along that the boss would never leave his wife for her but never did she think he had another mistress. Then they mentioned a page called Dead Beat Kenya.

Michelle was shocked. She knew Sandra had a crush on the boss, but she never thought it would amount to anything…and Mr. Karanja! He was happily married, she did not understand…

“Michelle, is the letter ready?” she heard the boss call out.

She composed herself as fast as she could and walked into the office with letter in hand.

He skimmed through the letter marking out what he required changed and gave the letter back.

Michelle walked to her desk, put the letter down and opened up word. She begun typing the letter but halfway through, she switched to Facebook to look for the said page.

Within minutes, her request to join the group was approved. She gaped at what she saw. Women and men a like complaining of spouses who do not support their children. Full names, telephone numbers, ID numbers and photos all there as proof! She hadn’t seen something so juicy on gossip since she last read Uganda’s Red Pepper!

Scrolling down the posts, she saw Mr. Karanja there. The lady posting was called Amelia Sugarplums. What kind of woman who was a mother call herself that? Why, she was only twenty three! She said he had supported her for the first six months since conception. Then he disappeared. She said she did not know he was married up until he disappeared. Michelle laughed at this, she did not believe the girl. If she was from this town, she would know. And Mr. Karanja never took out his ring! And if he did, the ring line would be so evident….there had to be a mistake.

She heard him before she saw him. He was standing behind her, reading what she was reading. She wanted to change the tab but her told her not to. From the anger on his face, she could now tell there was some truth to it.

“How did you access this page?”he asked, with more veins appearing on his head.

“I just sent a request and they accepted,” she said in a very low tone. He was mad, he was really mad.

“Have you finished the letter or are you going to spend the entire day reading gutter Facebook pages?”

“Er..I’m sorry sir, I’ll be sending the draft shortly,” she said opening her Word.

She heard his office door slam shut, she held her mouth in shock. A few seconds later, she was back on the page just to confirm her George didn’t have secrets of his own.

7 Most Elaborate Cons ever pulled off in Kenya by Foreigners

ha ha, iDied!

Too late for Worms

Hunter Thompson quipped “In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught.In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.”

The Original Con. The Original Con.

Wanjiku, the taxpayer who watches soap operas every evening and takes the 9 O’clock news for truth, expects elected leaders and the media to do due diligence and not be stupid and gullible.

History shows that more often than not, they do exactly the opposite. Many of the cons were successful because we have a tendency to believe foreigners, and often approach interactions with them with ‘half-closed eyes).

#7 Lamine Diack’s ‘Son’

The (almost) Sucker: Maina Kamanda, then Minister for Sports
You are also forgiven for not knowing Lamine Diack, or why someone would masquerade as his son to swindle a cabinet minister. The would be sucker, then Sports Minister Maina Kamanda had a stroke…

View original post 4,210 more words


Joshua lay on his warm bed, well rested when a huge bang woke him up. He sighed in anger, was that a knock on his door? He lifted his face from the covers and starred at his alarm clock. It was three o’clock in the morning, he’d be damned if he woke up.


But the knocking persisted, getting louder and more desperate with each knock. Then he heard a voice, her voice, and suddenly, he started making excuses for her.

“Josh…Josh open up,”she shouted a bit slurry from the alcohol she had consumed. “I need a heart to heart Josh, it’s bloody cold out here!”

He sighed, getting out of bed and groggily walking towards his front door.

He muttered under his breathe with each step he took. One of these days, she would have him evicted. His land lady already called her his special friend, you know, the one who visits in the wee hours of the night. He always smiled at this, thinking how scandalous his neighbors thought him to be. But he rally didn’t care, he’d still choose her over the whole damn world if he had to.

“Calm down Debz, I’m coming!” he said picking the key from the cabinet.

The knocking stopped, and he could hear a bottle clanging. She was still drinking, and it was Sunday. He was definitely going to be late for work tomorrow.

The door opened as she threw herself into his arms and hugged him. “Oh Josh, I missed you,”she said sounding teary.

“We saw each other two days ago Debz,” he said, trying to lock the door.

“I know, I know. But you were with Julie and I was with Ryan, and we never had time to talk like we used to back in the day…do you have any ice cream in the fridge?” she said walking towards the kitchen to inspect it.

Joshua watched her. Here she was, at twenty six, still stuck with the notion that ice cream could cure every thing. He smiled, she looked so innocent and frail at the moment, just like she did when she was twelve.

“Trouble with Ryan again?” he asked looking at her keenly.

She smiled. “Let’s have ice cream first,” she said, walking towards the living room with two bowls of ice cream.

“How was your day today? Still ruling the world I hope?” she asked gleefully.

“More like the world’s raping me in the ass, but business is growing, I’m hoping to be my own boss soon. What about you? How’s the bakery going on?”

“It’s fine…work is good, work is very good. Mum’s coming to visit on Tuesday, she’s bring her special pie.”

He smiled. “Hope I’m invited for dinner, you know how I love your mum’s pies.”

“Of course you are, she’ll be so happy to see you.” She sighed. “You remember that time I had a huge crush on Anthony? Back in High school?”

“And once he liked you back you no longer wanted him, and you thought there was something wrong with you?”

“And I did the whole Eat, Pray, Love thing?”

“Ha, you swore off Pizza for a month!” he said laughing.

“It was still a sacrifice,” she said laughing back. “I was so confused then.”

“You mean like you are now?” he said a bit more serious than he meant.

“Am I that obvious?” she said sitting up. “And here I was thinking I had fooled everyone.”

“You could never fool me Debz, I’m your bestie,”he said smiling sheepishly.

“I love him Josh, you know I do, but it’s all wearing down on me right now,” she said placing the bowl away. “It’s like we never have time alone, and when we do, all we want to do is sleep before the circus comes back. It’s always about him and his friends, his family, his life. And in between the bakery and sleep, I have no me time. You know I haven’t watched a proper chick flick in three months? I haven’t had any weekend to stay in naked and dirty and lazy because there are always visitors in the house. I mean, look at us even! I had to get super drunk and start a fight so that I could get time to come and hang out with you? And all your thinking is for how soon this will end because you have work in the morning…”

“No Debz, I never thought that,” he said sadly.

She laughed. “Liar! If this were you, I’d be here for you but I’d keep looking at the watch. It’s human Josh, no hard feelings.”

He smiled back at her. “I already made peace with it.”

She held his face in her hand and kissed him on the cheek. “Promise we’ll always be friends.”

He smiled. “Till death Debz, friends.”

“Now I’d better get my drunk self back home,” she said smiling. “My husband’s waiting for me. I think I’ve punished him long enough.”

“Punished?” he asked walking her to the door.

“Oh, I never told you,” she said hiding a smile. “He thinks I’m having an affair with one of my chefs.”

“What? Debz….”

“Another story for another day Josh, good night!” she shouted, walking to her car, with a smile on her face.

Joshua smiled. She was going to be just fine.

For Keeps

Mike ran up the stairs with a box of chocolate in his hands. He had thirteen more floors to go but he did not care, to day was his moment. The moment he had been waiting for in a long long while.

He could still remember the message she had sent him,’I miss you Mike, I need you. Please come over’.

It had been four long months, where he saw her dive into a relationship with the wrong man. He had cheated on her, time after time, and she still made up excuses for him. But last week, she had enough, she had dumped the guy.

And Carole, he best friend was the first to call her and let him know what had happened. She knew that he liked Hazel, and she thought it was finally his time. She had told him to play it cool, to wait for her to make the first move. So all he did was text her very casually to check on her. And they had not stopped talking since then.

He was at her door. He felt  so nervous now, and the stairs had not helped. He could feel his heart racing and his glands sweating as he knocked on the door.

Act cool, act cool bro, he told himself as he heard the door unlock.

There she was, wearing short shorts and a tee shirt, oblivious to how beautiful she looked.

“I’m so glad you came,” she said hugging him tightly.

He could smell her shampoo, could feel her warmth…he wanted her badly.

She led him on to the living room, where a box of tissue lay, with a few used ones on the table. She was watching The Notebook.

“I’m so sorry,” she said clearing the table, “Sappy movies always get to me. Sit.”

She opened the box of chocolate, sat next to him, lying on his chest, and kept on playing the movie.

They sat in silence, her, engrossed in the movie, Mike, thinking of what to say.

“Hazel,” he started off casually, “I…”

“What is it Mike?” she asked sitting up to face him.

He wished she had not looked up at him, his words were failing him now.

“How, how are you holding up?”

“I’m better now,” she said smiling up at him. “I finally woke up, from a really really bad dream Mike. Andy was a really bad guy, you know, I’m glad I let go and have space to find someone better.”

He sighed. “Yes, well-”

“I mean like you Mike, you are an amazing guy, funny and sweet…”

“And what about you Hazel?You are by far one of the sweetest, most beautiful women I know and I’m glad you finally let go.”

Her eyes looked teary and she hugged him fiercely.

“Oh Mike…you are the best est friend a girl could have! You are like the brother I never had…”

Wait, what? Mike couldn’t believe it, he had been friend zoned, again!


They sat comfortably in the restaurant having their dinner.

This was their fifth official date and both were a bit more comfortable now.

Rachael looked at him, wondering what was going through his mind. She had a lot of questions, she however did not want to jump the gun too fast.

“So how was your day?” she asked casually.

Robert smiled. “It was fine, work as always. Yours?”

Oh God, he still doesn’t want to share too much. “It was okay, ran a few errands that were long overdue, plus work…”

Robert had already drifted off to his own errands. He was at the mechanics today, his brakes were not working well and they had to be fixed. Whatever they did was a temporary fixture, he needed money to have that fixed before it got out of hand, he had to wait till end month though…

“Robert?” he heard her voice trailing off. He smiled at her. “Are you having mousse or ice cream for dessert?”

“Ice cream,” he said looking at the waiter. He then turned his attention to Racheal. She was looking at him as if she was expecting a response from him. He had no idea what she was talking about. “If this was your place, what changes would you make to it?”

“The restaurant?” she asked confused.

“Yes,” he said smiling at her.

“I like it just the way it is…but I’d have colorful curtains, maybe mustard yellow, and the floors would be wooden, with no carpet to hide it all.”

“That’s good thinking, I would make more use of the veranda as well…”

“Ha ha, that’s good thinking…maybe more plants outside to make the place more…”

Robert was now looking at the waitress bringing their ice cream. She had a good rack, he thought to himself. But he still couldn’t believe management let her wear such a low cut blouse. Maybe it was good for business…

He turned to face Rachael again, trying to hide a smile. He hoped she had not caught him staring.

“Lola mentioned she had extra tickets for blankets and wine this weekend, would you like to come?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said thinking about the event. They had to use his car to go there. She’d be with her girlfriends so he’d have to be charming and nice, maybe he could bring his friend Mike, he could meet a girl there….

“Rob?” she called out weakly. “You won’t say a thing?”

“No…”he said confused. What was she talking about? “Blankets will be a great idea, we can even tag Mike along since most of your friends will be around.”

“Sure,” she said picking up her purse. “Excuse me, need to go to the bathroom shortly then we can leave.”

As he cleared the bill he couldn’t help but think there was something odd about her demeanor as she left. But women, you can’t understand them.

Rachael walked back to the table, and soon, they were in the car and he was driving her home.

She was confused. Their past four dates had gone so well and now, when she had finally gained the courage to tell him she liked him, he changed the topic to blankets and wine! Or maybe he didn’t like her as much.

“Rob, I am really confused about tonight,” she said as casually as she could.

“What’s up?” he asked now concerned.

“I don’t know, I’m getting this vibe that you don’t like me as much. You seemed very distant, and it’s not that I’m rushing things or anything but, I really do like you and the last thing I want to do is put any pressure on you,” she sighed. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’d like to know if I’m jumping the horse here or not.”

Rob was lost again. The car was making a clanging noise. Maybe it wasn’t the breaks any more. This would cost him so much, and he had to fix it by the end of this week in time for that event…but where would he get the money from so soon?

He turned to face Rachael. She was talking and he hadn’t been listening. Something about a horse…he had no idea she had a horse! And from her tone, something was not right with it. She was looking at him, expecting a response.

“Relax Rachael, I’m sure everything will turn out right,” he said smiling at her.

Rachael frowned. What a deuce! Poured out my soul to him and he summarizes everything in a sentence? He didn’t even let me know whether he likes me or not!

Rachael was home. He got out and escorted her to her door, told her he had a lovely night and drove off home.

The weekend came and Rachael did not call him, maybe other plans came up.

So on Monday, when at the gym with a mutual friend, he remembered the horse.

“Dude, did you know Rachael had a horse?”

Of mad men and women.

“I remember the first time I saw him, feels like it was just yesterday. He was a confident man, looked rich and charming. He was a charmer I tell you, you could see it from the number of girls that flocked his side, ignoring his company entirely. He was a Chuck Bass, you know, like in Gossip Girl.

But I wasn’t one of those girls, I was focused on my career, which started with school, and therefore, had no time for his kind.

I think that’s what drew him to me. I was the only woman who did not want him, and he found that strange. Being young, handsome and from a wealthy family, getting his way was the norm of the way. So when he came my way and I blew him off, he pulled me to the dance floor and swooned me away.

He went home with my number, but I called him first.

We went on a series of dates, from animal shelters to clubs, even to church. He was a strange one, just like me, and I fell for him immediately.

I still remember when I told him I loved him. We had been drinking in a park, which, by the way was illegal. He got up and shouted out loud, “she loves me!”, then he raised me up and kissed me on the lips, which was also wrong in park. You should have seen us running away from the council workers, that was a really good day.

Then I finally graduated from college. He met my folks that day. My dad was all grumpy but by the end of the day, those two were friends. He had potential my mother said. I was happy that they loved him as much as I did.

So when he asked me to marry him, I said yes without thinking twice. A year down the line, we were man and wife, both of us very ambitious, challenging each other to grow and become better. We were becoming the power couple, the one people wanted to emulate.

You see, he’s brought out the best in me. He’s taught me to live the dream, and I, I have made him kinder and more cautious. He’s an amazing man and I would not trade what we have for anything! Not even a million bucks. I mean it, unless, unless you have a million bucks. Do you have a million bucks?”

“No,” he said smiling. “But your husband seems like he needs some help.”

She turned to face his direction. He was on the ground dead asleep. She chuckled and sipped on her beer.

“No…this, this is good. It’s a good story for tomorrow. Plus he’s heavy,” she said sipping on her beer the more.”The driver will- ah, here he is now. Waweru! Waweru!”

She shouted waving at a man who had just walked into the bar. He looked polished and efficient.

He said hello to the madam who pointed at her husband who was on the ground. The driver picked up the man and carried him into a Lexus parked outside.

The woman stood up and downed her beer in one gulp.

“Well, it was nice meeting you,” she said looking at the man. “Here, have a drink on me.”

From her purse, she took out five thousand shillings and gave it to the stranger. She then staggered to the car, humming one of the local music that was playing in the bar.

“Weh, Timo, who was that woman who were talking to?” asked the locals as they watched the car drive off.

“A mad woman, that’s who,” he said, still looking at the notes she had left in disbelief.